Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Don't Believe Everything You Kids Read On The Internets

 
Tehran| A group of russian archeologists working on a dig site in western Iran has made what could be the greatest discovery in decades. They have unearthed a total of six humanoid skeletons belonging to individuals that seem to each have measured more than 5 meters high.

The scientists responsible for the discovery have not yet pronounced themselves about whether these were the remains of excessively gigantic and oversized homo sapiens, or the first specimens ever discovered of a brand new species of proto-humans that could have coexisted with our ancestors.
Andrei Asimov, professor of  archeology and paleoanthropology at the University of St-Petersburg and researcher in charge of the excavation site, explains that this discovery could explain many stories that were until now dismissed by historians as simply mythological.

“This means that Goliath and his fellow warriors from the mythical city of Gath could really have been more than 3 meters tall.” he tells our reporter. ”This also means that many different people over a long period of time could have encountered real existing giants and passed down stories about them to their descendants. We’ll definitely have to review of conception of history as it is and accept that many legends just might be real!”

- See more at: http://worldnewsdailyreport.com/iran-archeologists-discover-5-meters-tall-human-skeletons/#sthash.ENNA5IZK.dpuf

Okay, first of all, thank you for your wonderful piece of internet balloon juice. Combining your bullshit with a Bible story just to prove to an unbelieving world that your book of Bronze Age fairy tales is to be taken as literal history is a genius piece of crap.

Like there was a REAL Goliath who was five meters tall (how many cubits is that, Noah?) who died because of one incredibly lucky and  powerful shot that crushed his brain. More bullshit. Something that big would have to have an thicker, enhanced skeletal structure to support it's MASSIVE body weight. His brain case would be much thicker and reinforced as would have to be it's spine. It would take a bullet to piece that skull.  Think of killing an Elephant with a stone. Then triple the size of the elephant. See how ridiculous it starts to become?

Not to mention the amount it would have to eat to built the kind of muscles necessary to move such a huge creature.

Don't even get me started on the amount of heat a body that size would generate or how quickly it would overheat in a hot desert climate. It would have to live near water or in a colder climate just to survive at that size. There is a reason Bigfoot doesn't live in the desert.

With all that you bible goofballs claim there was a TRIBE of these monsters? GAH. How did they live and eat and work and get rid of their massive waste products? Why didn't they just take over the world and have us all worship them today or their very tall descendants. That kind of thing would have to be passed down genetically - unless it was not a GOOD mutation. There was a reason they would not have survived even if in some magical world the giants did exist.

Finally if you have seen pictures of the tallest man or woman in the world they do not move very well or very easily. Most of joint and leg and hip problems from an early age. Gigantism makes them WEAKER not stronger. GAH.

Sorry, in lieu of telling everyone about the good first night at work I had, I decided to rant about something I saw on the Facebooks. This is Weekly World New calibre hokum and I love it but PLEASE my Jeebus loving fellow humanoids, don't pretend that this in anyway lessons your delusions about your Bible. It just makes you look goofy.

4 comments:

Dr. Theda said...

These "Giants" did try to take over most perished in the Flood... I do not know about the story that you posted.... These "Giants" were apparently about 12 foot tall and had 6 toes and 6 fingers as well as a double row of teeth, according to the ancient texts.....the couple of "grave sites" of the ones found (years ago whose documentation I trust more than the Internet...)appear to be of Bronze-Age one was found with a large copper axe....
... from reading Charles Forte....

Kal said...

I need to do more research. I am being a scientist here and worried that they just couldn't exist - scientifically. They are like Yeti and Bigfoot.

DrGoat said...

A hoax, pure and simple. Similar to the Cardiff Giant back in the early 1900's.

Nathan said...

The earliest known manuscripts refer to Goliath as "four cubits and a span" in height, while later ones increase this to "six cubits and a span." The former would apparently be around 6'9" and the latter about 9'9".